Thinking about the beautiful things in life makes me feel like I don’t belong here. The beautiful souls that roam the Earth, the beautiful songs that we sing, the wonderful lives that we live, even when they aren’t appreciated. We all live different lives, we believe in different things, we all feel different, not part of this time maybe, not as good as the next person. Even in all differences, we still find the time to judge people, to look at another person and insult their differences.
I was actually just thinking about my relationship and how different I am in it compared to my day-to-day interactions with other people. The difference reminded me of words that mean something very strong that we tend to throw around like it’s nothing.
Love
You’ve had 5 boyfriends in the last 4 years of your life, different kinds of people, you broke up with each of them for different reasons, you wanted to be in a relationship with them for different reasons and to each one of them you’ve said “I love you (too)”. Maybe he said it first, that very first time, and you got a little giddy, you had the goofiest grin or a smirk just creeping in and you replied him with those same words. I believe the word has been degraded and is very much acceptable to throw around without even understanding or actually feeling the true meaning of the word ‘love’, but to be “in love”. That’s a whole different ball game.
Sitting, listening to my ‘Press Play’ playlist, perfectly ordered from start to finish, all 44 songs lasting 2 hours, 58 minutes, the theme songs to your perfect few hours in bed with that perfect person. Recklessly, my mind floats back to the memories each of these songs are weighed down, abruptly destroying my peaceful daydream and I really just want to say, “what the hell was I thinking?” but today I don’t feel like joining the league of women that begin to hate their ex’s, questioning their mental health and/or eyesight. “What did I see in him?”, “what was I thinking?”, but you went out with him, you probably said “I love you” a few times, at one point he’s all you wanted, you were willing to do things you hadn’t dreamt of if he asked, but suddenly he’s ugly, you’ve decided you’re sapiosexual and he’s stupid, he’s actually too short, he’s so cocky, not funny, rude, spoilt, flirtatious, selfish, vain, but you dated him.
How come you only see the faults in him after the break up? He hasn’t changed, same guy, but none of those seemed to exist back then. He used to be just the right height, beautiful in your eyes, know exactly what buttons you like pushed, caring, understanding, sexy, he was it. Once upon a time he was your everything. So maybe he hurt you, maybe you broke up over something that really broke you, maybe it was even over nothing, you hate him, you detest him but most of the time you’re watching his twitter page like an eagle. Has he got a new chick? Is she prettier? Can she do it to you as good as I did? Where is he going? Is he happier without me? And you don’t stop till you find out that yes, he is happier, she does him better and you’re unhappy all over again, and you hate him all over again, like a vicious cycle, and it’s all your fault. But, to females it’s never our fault. We’re superior, right? We do more, we have to go through more, and so it can’t be our fault. Right? Are we really? Or do we just embed this into our brain because we are not as competent as men to handle our emotions.
Sometimes I do look back on the people in my past and wonder why, I haven’t figured it out yet but it’s one of the questions I wish Google had the answers to.
Quality Durex 